My afternoon opened with a feeling of lightness and fun. Not knowing of the impending danger, I cracked open Tallgrass’s Brewing’s original Pub Ale, the first beer the Manhattan, Kansas Brewery produced for public consumption. Its smooth, mild, sweet flavor and its autumn brown hue hearken to days gone by in TV Land and Pleasantville, where ignorance was truly bliss. The can has a retro look, which further helped to lull me into a false sense of security. The smell invokes feelings of a safe home…or brewhouse. Even the instructional video added to the calm (before the storm).
As afternoon waned into dusky darkness, a noise in the distance gave me pause, making my hairs stand on end. What was that? But knowing I had to finish my blog, I ignored the nagging feeling of dread and continued on to my next beer, Ethos IPA – The Beer that Legend Foretold. According to the legend, it came from an ancient race of brewers that hunted hops, which I believed would give me strength to brave the night. Others believe the Ethos came from the post-apocalyptic future (perhaps a post-zombie-apocalyptic future?), bringing the secrets of beer to the cave dwellers. With its big, juicy, hoppy bite, it awakened a sixth hop sense that alerted me that something was out there. Something…undead. But what was it?
Breaking news out of Manhattan: Possible escape of the Zombie Monkie.
The situation now CRITICAL, there were only two things I needed to do to save myself. First, I had to crack the only known weapon against the infected Simians: Zombie Monkie Robust Porter, the official beer of the zombie apocalypse. Second, I needed to flee! With its tactical grip to prevent slippage, can in hand I raced away. The beer, pitch black as night, made me feel secure that it truly could be used against the undead primates. Chocolaty aroma, hints of coffee (to keep me alert), and a frothy head eased my fears and kept me moving toward safety. Reports out of Manhattan claim the beer is “very tasty”, and it is. But are these creatures, the “Zombie Monkies”, truly secret weapons created by the government, as this Former Director of Secret Government Projects claims? We may never know. What I do know is I managed to escape to tell my tale. Others may not have been so lucky.
Seek out the entire line of Tallgrass brews at your favorite bottle shops and watering holes. It may just save your life…
Fear no beer. (Also: check out the links for some funny videos!)
- Kosta Theodosopoulos